She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
