he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
