I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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