do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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