Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We left the knife in your bed.
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I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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