haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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