Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
