did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
