he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
