Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
