Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
