omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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