There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
