turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Four minutes until I can fart!
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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