i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
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