New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
