I'm gonna have a badass scar
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
