look no pants
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
