I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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