last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
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we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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