Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
