theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
