I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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