she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
