is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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