Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
