Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
