so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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