i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
