My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
