Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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