Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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