Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
