Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
