Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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