life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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