whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
