Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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