I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
