you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
