i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
