He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
