My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
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the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
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You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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