dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
