You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
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I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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