I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
third nipple confirmed
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
