Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
