Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Randomize
