we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
