dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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