they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
