A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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