dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
