glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
