OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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