My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
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My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
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Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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