for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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