im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
