weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
