Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
