I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
