I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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