my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
