im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
