oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
