but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
it's like iHOP with fire
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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