Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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