the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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