Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
me + whiskey = a bad person
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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