Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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