69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
