im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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