remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
