My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
