Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
