Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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