I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Randomize
