Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
