I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
