Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
