I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.