i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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