sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize